How to Say No to Your Boss (And Why It's Important)

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How do you say no to your boss or manager? After all, it's your boss! Aren't you supposed to do what your boss or manager says?

No. Not if you are a professional.

Slaves are not allowed to say no. Laborers may be hesitant to say no. But professionals are expected to say no. Great managers crave someone who has the guts to say no. It's the only way you can really get anything done.

Managers are people with a job to do, and most managers know how to do that job pretty well. Part of that job is to pursue and defend their objectives as aggressively as they can.

By the same token, programmers are also people with a job to do, and most of them know how to get that job done pretty well. If they are programmers, they will pursue and defend their objectives as aggressively as they can.

When your manager tells you that the login page has to be ready by tomorrow, he is pursuing and defending one of his objectives. He's doing his job. If you know well that getting that done by tomorrow is impossible, then you are not doing your job if you say "OK, I'll try."

The only way to do your job, at that point, is to say "No, that's impossible." But don't you have to do what your manager says? No, your manager is counting on you to defend your objectives as aggressively as he defends his. That's how you both are going to get the job done.

The best possible outcome is the goal that you and your manager share. The trick is to find that goal, and that usually takes negotiation. Negotiation can sometimes be pleasant. Let's take a look at the next example below.

Mike: "Paula, I need the login page done by tomorrow."

Paula: "Oh, wow! That soon? Well, OK, I'll try."

Mike: "OK, that's great. Thanks!"

That was a nice little conversation. All confrontation was avoided. Both parties left smiling. Nice.

But both parties were behaving unprofessionally. Paula knows full well that the login page is going to take her longer than a day, so she's just lying. She might not think of it as a lie. Perhaps she thinks she can actually get it done. But in the end, it's still a lie.

Mike, on the other hand, accepted the "I'll try" as "Yes." That's just a dumb thing to do. He should have known that Paula was trying to avoid confrontation, so he should have pressed the issue by saying, "You seem hesitant. Are you sure you can get it done tomorrow?"

Here is another pleasant conversation:

Mike: "Paula, I need the login page done by tomorrow."

Paula: "Oh, sorry Mike, I'll need some more time for that."

Mike: "When do you think you can have it done?"

Paula: "How about two weeks from now?"

Mike: (thinks…scrambles…humm…) "OK, thanks."

As pleasant as that was, it was also terribly dysfunctional and utterly unprofessional. Both parties failed in their search for the best possible outcome. Instead of asking whether two weeks would be OK, Paula should have been more assertive: "It's going to take me two weeks, Mike."

Mike, on the other hand, just accepted the date without question, as though his own objectives didn't matter. I wonder if he's not going to simply report back to his boss that the customer demo will have to be postponed because of Paula.

In all these cases, neither party has pursued a common acceptable goal. Neither party has been looking for the best possible outcome. Let's try this one.

Mike: "Paula, I need the login page done by tomorrow."

Paula: "Mike, I understand the urgency, but getting the login page done by tomorrow is unrealistic. Here's why: it requires careful testing and integration with the existing system, which can't be rushed. However, I can prioritize this and have a basic version ready in three days, with all the essential features. The full version, with all functionalities, will be ready in two weeks. How does that sound?"

Mike: "I appreciate the honesty, Paula. Let's go with the basic version in three days, but we'll need to plan around the final deadline to ensure the demo isn't delayed. Can you also outline the critical features that will be included in the first version?"

Paula: "Absolutely. I'll send you a list of the key functionalities by the end of the day, so we can make sure we're aligned. We can also discuss any adjustments if necessary."

In this scenario, both Paula and Mike are acting professionally by communicating openly and negotiating a realistic timeline that considers both their objectives. Paula didn't just say no; she provided a clear explanation and offered a feasible alternative. Mike, in turn, recognized the importance of realistic deadlines and was willing to negotiate based on Paula's expertise.

The key takeaway here is that saying no isn't about shutting down a request—it's about engaging in a dialogue that leads to the best possible outcome for the entire team. Professionals don't avoid confrontation; they use it constructively to align goals, manage expectations, and ensure that the quality of work is maintained.

In any workplace, the ability to say no effectively and constructively is a critical skill. It not only helps to maintain a healthy work-life balance but also ensures that the work delivered is of the highest quality. When both parties understand and respect each other's roles, the result is a more collaborative, productive, and successful team.

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I hope you enjoyed the reading, and happy coding! 🤓

Dejan